Former XC Runner

One crucial aspect of working on this book was going back to run in my old team's alumni race last August. Doing so not only helped me channel some of the feelings I had back in my own high school running days, but it gave me a new perspective on what our team did back when we ran competitively.

I wasn't even close to being in any kind of shape to be running a race, but my good friend--who was on my high school team back in the day and is featured in the book--told me to "man up and run." Even in my thirties, I'm vulnerable to peer pressure, I guess. So, I went out and jogged maybe a mile-and-a-half or two a few days before the race. I seriously doubted I'd be able to run the entire thing without stopping to walk.

The day of the race I found the performance anxiety I used to experience 15 years earlier came right back. I had to pee like five times before the starting gun. When the gun went off, I was stunned at how fast the team's current runners went out. Seemed hard to believe that my teammates and I used to do the same thing. After the first half-mile of the race, I never saw any of them until I crossed the finish line and saw them all standing around.

I finished the 3.1-mile race with an embarrassing 26:09, over nine minutes worse than my best time of 17:04 on that course. At least I was able to run the whole way through without stopping to walk and an ambulance didn't have to be called afterwards. A victory in and of itself.

One thing became abundantly clear to me that day: I am no doubt a former XC runner. Even though I ran for four years (and sometimes ran well) I never thought I was a "real" runner. Since that day, I haven't run one time. Just can't bring myself to do so. At the same time, I can't get the story of our team out of my mind.